LovesNotPerfect's Datingish

She Will Never Be In My Life Again But .. Part 2

Mon, 14 Jun 2010 15:20:07 GMT

I wrote the blog ‘ I wrote the blog ‘She Will Never Be In My Life Again But She Will Always Be His Mom.’ About meeting, this great person in class and the first time we hung out he put his dirty laundry on the table in Applebee’s. He told me everything from his son, Michael to all of the dumb things he has ever done in life.
We have been hanging out more and more. So a lot more stuff has been coming up. Of course, Michael is with us most of the time. Kevin told me that he has never dated before or at least in a long long time. He has been asking me all sorts of question about my past but not prying into my past. Therefore, I finally had the courage to ask him when the last time he has had sex is. Mind you, he asked me an orgasm question, so I thought why not. He told me that it has been 2 to 3 months. I asked you did not date her. In addition, he replied that I am the first girl he has dated in a long time. Flattered, I said oh my. The reply I got to that was Yes, I would like to have sex with you, only when you are comfortable. I have never been so embarrassed before. I could not believe he said that. The next 3 hours we talked a bout sex. And he kept telling me that he would only do it if I was comfortable with it. Therefore, I had to ask how long he would wait, and he said as long as it takes. And that he knows he is more experiences than I am, and he would take it slow. That is when it hit me; I have totally fallen for this person, who is a dad. I have not kissed him, not held his hand or even hugged him. However, that does not matter. He is very respectful and keeps a foot away from me at all times. This sometimes gets on my nerves. Because I am not going to lie, I want him to kiss me, to hold me. But I am very much shy. He keeps saying that he does not want to scare me. What ever that means? I do not even know.

What does it mean when he says he does not want to scare me? Has anyone ever said that to you?

http://www.datingish.com/726955941/she-will-never-be-in-my-life-again-but-she-will-always-be-his-mom/

I Wonder

Sun, 18 Apr 2010 22:44:15 GMT

About three years ago I met the most amazing person on xanga. His xanga was Girls_Really_Suck. I met him through a friend, they were always talking about this amazing guy and well, I wanted to know him. I would read his xanga for awhile and I realized that he was this awesome guy. I left a comment, and the friendship started from there. He told me how he was battling cancer. And reading that broke my heart. I wanted to be there for him, I wanted him to know how much I cared. I fell for him, and him for me. I couldn't get over the fact that he had all these girls telling him how much they loved him, flirting with him constantly. I thought that if I was good enough he'd tell these girls to back off. He told me I was the one, I was the one he wanted to be with for the rest of his life. I laughed saying we haven't even met yet. He told me that my looks didn't matter, he loved my personality. I realized wow, a guy loves me for who I am. I thought it was going to be the best thing in the world. We ended up not dating because of my jealousy, but I just couldn't help but want him to say something to the other girls. I don't believe it was so much jealousy but wanting to Michael to tell people about me. We would stop talking over dumb stuff, but we knew we'd be friends for ever, maybe more in the future. He had everything going for him in this place in NJ he worked at. He said he was going to one day hopefully run the place. We would talk about everything, my family to his. I even talked to his mother. She called me Bambina, they were Italian. One day I realized wow, I have not heard from Micheal in like 3 months. I texted, I called, I e-mailed nothing. I than got a text back from a person with the number saying that this was his new phone number. I was crushed, so i e-mailed more, and more. Nothing back. This was about 7 months ago. I still haven't heard from him. I don't know where my Michael Campione is anymore. And his friend Sarah doesn't either. We text one another every so often seeing if we;ve heard from him. So far no. I don't think I'll ever hear from Michael again. I don't know what happened, where he is, or anything. All i know is I fell in love. We talked on the phone all of the time. And his friend Sarah, said she didn't know where exactly he lived, he always went to her. I guess I really need to get this out, so maybe I can move on. I have come to terms with I don't think I'll ever hear from him again. But, I keep e-mailing hoping that maybe he's been real busy. I am worried that maybe the cancer came back, and he is having trouble beating it. I think the worst, only because he always e-mailed me back. I miss Michael, I just hope one day I'll hear from him again. I wonder if you're okay, and you miss me as much as I miss you. Where ever you are, I hope you're okay.

Why Can't You Love Me?

Sun, 08 Nov 2009 16:59:29 GMT

I am 19 years young. And I can honestly say my mother hates me. She the first time she left when I was in Elementary School. That was not the worst part, she took my brother and told me to go back to my dad. I was in Elementary School, and right then and their I knew you hated me. I tried to get you to like me but than you done it again. You left us when I was in Middle School. You told me my dad cheated on you, and when I was angry blaming him for you leaving us I called family on both side and they told me the kid of man my dad was. You actually made me hate him for a week, the guy that never walked out on me. How dare you do that to me I was a child, and you ruined my childhood for me. Than my grandpa died and some how you came BACK into our life and stupid me thought YESSS maybe she'll love me now. But no, all you did was cheat on my dad. But I guess the irony is you blamed him because you were doing it. You don't even understand how much you hurt my dad. He loved you unconditionally until you told me you cheated. Yes, I told him, and the truth hurts but he deserved so much better. Than my world came crashing down when Brad died but you did not even care. Than you left us my 9th grade year. You could not stand to live with us. Why was I not good enough to make things work. Why did you have to be the cheating whore that you are. But yet again you walking out was not the worst part. You than proceeded to marry the man you were cheating on my dad with. You did not even tell me that you got married. You both eloped as if you both were kids. You would of told me if you knew it was not wrong. Elda told me a month afterwards you were married, and I went home and locked myself into my room and cried. It hurt that you didn't tell me and you told Elda. She isn't even your daughter. When I tried to make thing work all the time you would always mess it up. You offered me all the jewlery my dad ever gave you, and I said yes, I would love them. Than you had to explain to me that you did not have them. I cried again because you gave all that stuff to your mom. Why would you even offer them to me? You never called me on christmas and only celebrated about 2 with me since you left. Where was my 18th birthday phone call or even my 19th. Do you know how it feels to have your best friends or boyfriend to ask did your mom call and you have to say no she didn't. Maybe I did change my number but Tia Vero has it and she could of called and told me. I had to move to a different state to get away from people judging me because of the way you were. Some boy was not allowed to date me because his dad knew who you were. I was 14 and had a boy break up with me because of you. Can you say heart break, and you weren't even their to support me. Even thow you hate me, my dad never walked out on me. He was there, he done my hair in elementary school. He took me to the doctors when I was sick. Because of you my dad is my hero and I thank you.

Missing Home

Wed, 08 Jul 2009 17:11:27 GMT

At times I hate this place.!? I have the choice where I can take the road that I already know. The road that I am safe with, and that I have come to love or the new and unknown. The life that everyone sees me doing. But is that what I really want? I have always known what I wanted. And for once I just have no idea. I am a very quiet and shy person. I am in a new place and I just can't seem to make myself social. I've been here for a year now and as much as I love this place I don't know if this is it. Back home I just knew I was meant to be there. I was not popular so I didn't have the million of friends. But I did have a group of friends that I hung out with all of the time. I feel a little lost with out them here with me. It's not like I can pick up the phone and call them because they really don't talk to me anymore. Great Huh!? The people that I thought were my true friends are gone all because I moved. I never thought that me moving was going to change the way we all connected. Maybe I am the one that changed. I know what exactly I had to do when I got here. I don't have mommy and daddy paying for my college, I am working in order to save up money so I can attend. When I moved, I gave up my free college. Who in the hell does that right?! Well apparently I do. Being in this new place is so difficult. I don't have those friends that I am able to go out with and talk to. I feel like I do not fit into the new world that I am in. The only thing people do is sex, drugs, drink, and get into trouble. I did not do that stuff back home, so why would I change myself for these people I don't know. Everyone already has their own clique, so I would be the new girl. I don't want to go to Sonic's and hang out so I can meet people. In this place there is nothing that I can do so that I can meet people. It's bowling, or hang out at Sonic's. Does that sound pleasant? To me it does not. At the moment I am working at the pool! And I guess you could say I am making friends. But, well, they are all 16 and up. and I am 19. And they talk about the same stuff, sex, and drinking. I am not into that kinda thing. Apparently they have invited me out, but i rejected. I don't remember that day. And if they did what the hell would I do? What they do isn't my scene. I could always go back home. That sounds crazy i know. But maybe I just am not going to make friends here, and I'll sit at home. Do you know how friggin boring that gets. After a year of doing it. I think I am going to go insane. Maybe I should go back home =[.

Dear Pillow, He Asked.

Wed, 27 May 2009 23:49:29 GMT

Dear Pillow,

It's me again. I got on a plane to go to Delaware on Saturday, May 9th. I was so excited to go home, to the place I've lived ALL of my life. Cory picked me up from the airport. It as awesome, and nice. On the 12th Cory took me to see a concert. Actually three bands played and my favorite played last. Three Doors Down was so awesome live. And during it Cory asked me to marry him. Honestly, I couldn't tell you what was playing at the moment because of the shock. I could not even give an answer. I wanted to say yes but a million reasons said to say no. After a long time of thinking i said no. I don't regret saying No because i know it's the right thing to say. But that's not the worst part. He took me back to the airport on Sunday May 24. I was absolutely fine until i walked through the security check. I started balling. No joke. I couldn't stop crying but i didn't want him to know so i stopped when he called. But as i was going to say goodbye on the phone because he was watching me they started so i hung up. I never knew a goodbye could be so hard. =[. And when he texted saying he was tired of saying goodbye he wanted the real thing, i cried harder. I as well want the real deal. But I'm afraid it cannot happen until that stupid car is LONGG gone. Or paid off. I can't deal with worrying about that stupid car. I could not live my life worrying about it either. As much as I love Cory because i know i love him. I hate that car. And i wont spend my money on that car because as much as he is paying for it he could have two cars for the price of one. Sadly i know in July if he comes he is going to ask me to marry him again. And as much as i want to say yes, i don;t know if i can quite yet. I act a lot more mature of my age than most people do. But is marriage for me? Not sure.

Love,
Uncertian Me.

Dear Pillow, It's Me Again

Mon, 20 Apr 2009 02:35:34 GMT

Dear Pillow,
It's me again. =| Today I was reading all of this stuff. And I realized, -wow, that really was me- I read blogs everyday but one really touched me. I realized I could of done more. Maybe it really was me and not him. I love him to pieces. But sometimes is love really enough? This is how it started.... Last night I talked to Michael on the phone, boy was it hard. Him and I talked about Jill and Cory. He told me how happy he is with Jill. I am totally happy for him. He should be happy, and Jill is a lucky girl. And he asks me about Cory. So I told him, EVERYTHING. Stupid me huh? One thing I told him is how horribly I treated Cory, and all he said was -WOW be happy thats uncontrollable love-. Because Cory never walked away, and still is right there for me. And at the end he goes so you're waiting for Corster. That's what Michael calls him. And I said no, I'm waiting for something, but I'm not sure what. Michael and I ended up talking like nothing ever happened. Like we were the best of friends. It was tough, very very tough, but I was ok with it. At the end of the phone convo he goes -Jannett, I always wonder what if with you, and you will always have a place in my heart, and i love you- And I said thank you and hung up. I was awake for a long time, and i kinda got all teary eyed after I got off the phone with him. After our phone conversation I spent a lot of time online, reading, talking and other things. And it hit me. I had the perfect relationship and I let it fall to peices. I didn't give it my 100 percent, but maybe just maybe it's not all my fault. All I know is to argue. I know how to yell, and I was taught by a PRO how to walk away. I was taught how a guy will walk right behind you no matter what, and he'll look to your best qualitly. I think it's time for me to walk away from what I grew up seeing. Yes, it's going to be hard. I think I'm scared I will get hurt, so I tend to make it so I don't get hurt. But when the relationship you thought was real love didn't work, than what will? When you saw your mom cheating, talked to her husband now when he was the other man, and saw her bitch all the time, you hurt. When she told you while you were growing up that if she was to ever leave your dad it would be for someone better. She was planning to leave him ALL along. Maybe I was verbably abused hearing i'm never going to be anything, that my dad was trash, that i'm stupid. I heard so many put downs I wouldn't know where to start. The one I loved was, your only talking to me to get money. Yup, that's totally me. All I wanted was your money, not for you to accept me. So yes, I am scared of letting someone in. If the person that is NOT suppose to hurt you does, why can't someone else? i let my perfect relationship go to pieces.

Love,
Unperfect Me.

Clouds Like People

Fri, 17 Apr 2009 21:58:42 GMT

A clear line between clouds, like two sides of a person. A bright smile, later tears of sadness. Beyond those moment of gray happiness once more.

I realized

Fri, 03 Apr 2009 20:34:31 GMT

& I finally realized; what life really is about:

it’s holding on when your heart’s had enough

it’s giving more when you feel like giving up

Been with him for almost 3 years.

Wed, 01 Apr 2009 02:44:04 GMT

He was my best friend, I could talk to him about anything. He even took me to his senior prom. I was so in love with him but at the time he didn't know. 3 days after prom he broke up with Liz. I had no idea that he broke up with her. He came into my house after he got off of work and just kissed me. Then he preceded to tell me that at prom he realized i was the girl he was looking for. And that i looked so gorgeous. I turned beat red, I never have turned so red from someone just kissing me. Him and I started dating and everything was perfect. I was 16, so i had my junior and senior year left, but that didn't matter because i loved him. He was going to go to the community college anyways. At first it was perfect. He was amazing in every way. He was not only my boyfriend but my best friend. We would go and do everything together. We were always together, everyone said we were meant to be. Than he failed college, actually he didn't even go half the time. But he was still working so it didn't matter. I was disappointed in him but it is his life. About a year and 2 months into our relationship i fell for another guy. His name was Michael. He had all of the right words! I broke up with Cory because i needed to get my thoughts straight. I felt like i needed a break and it was not fair to Cory that i had feelings for another guy. And when i did i knew i wanted Cory, i just liked what Michael had to say. From than on everything was weird. I loved Cory with all of my heart. By than I was a senior and he went to my senior prom with me. Around the time of prom my parents told me we were moving as soon as i graduated. I was heart broken. I have just made great friends, and Cory and I were making things work better. By then everything was going great. I mean we bonded in ways i didn't think was possible. But we moved to Missouri in July, and in september Cory moved in with us. By then Cory has LOST all of his ambition to do anything. All he wanted to do was play World Of Warcraft, he didn't even want to get a job. That is when it all clicked. Do i want to be with a guy who doesn't have ambition to go out and get a job. I sat down and thought about it. I was working everyday and going to college while he sat at home. We never done anything, we just sat at home. Honestly, i am a home body, but i am in a new place with no friends. I wanted to go out and meet people. That's when i realized Cory needed to go back to Delaware. I told him I couldn't be with him. I mean i asked myself is this the kind of guy i wanted to marry. Cory is amazing in EVERY way. He is sweet, charming, romantic and very attractive. He is the type of guy that I want to end up with. But He didn't have the ambition I was looking for. We broke up for the second time. Maybe it seems like I broke up with him because he wasn't moving forward. But than again does a relationship work if only one person moves forward? Right now he is in Delaware, he has a job, and has gotten back his ambition. But now i question is that even enough for me anymore? I am not the same person i was when i was 16. And He is the same person that i dated when he was 18. I feel like i have progressed so much and he hasn't. He was my first for everything so i feel so attached to him. Honestly, i love Cory with everything in me. But i am scared of taking the next step with him. I am scared if we go back out things will go back into routine. Right now, him and I talk everyday. Cory is my best friend and always will be. I just feel like right now i am so unsure of what I want. I am in a new place, and I have one friend. I just don't know. =[

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

Wed, 01 Apr 2009 02:06:54 GMT

Hi. I am 19. And i recently moved to Missouri. I am in college.
I am a shy down to earth girl.
but i need advice.