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Monday, 14 June 2010

She Will Never Be In My Life Again But .. Part 2

I wrote the blog ‘ I wrote the blog ‘She Will Never Be In My Life Again But She Will Always Be His Mom.’ About meeting, this great person in class and the first time we hung out he put his dirty laundry on the table in Applebee’s. He told me everything from his son, Michael to all of the dumb things he has ever done in life.
We have been hanging out more and more. So a lot more stuff has been coming up. Of course, Michael is with us most of the time. Kevin told me that he has never dated before or at least in a long long time. He has been asking me all sorts of question about my past but not prying into my past. Therefore, I finally had the courage to ask him when the last time he has had sex is. Mind you, he asked me an orgasm question, so I thought why not. He told me that it has been 2 to 3 months. I asked you did not date her. In addition, he replied that I am the first girl he has dated in a long time. Flattered, I said oh my. The reply I got to that was Yes, I would like to have sex with you, only when you are comfortable. I have never been so embarrassed before. I could not believe he said that. The next 3 hours we talked a bout sex. And he kept telling me that he would only do it if I was comfortable with it. Therefore, I had to ask how long he would wait, and he said as long as it takes. And that he knows he is more experiences than I am, and he would take it slow. That is when it hit me; I have totally fallen for this person, who is a dad. I have not kissed him, not held his hand or even hugged him. However, that does not matter. He is very respectful and keeps a foot away from me at all times. This sometimes gets on my nerves. Because I am not going to lie, I want him to kiss me, to hold me. But I am very much shy. He keeps saying that he does not want to scare me. What ever that means? I do not even know.

What does it mean when he says he does not want to scare me? Has anyone ever said that to you?

http://www.datingish.com/726955941/she-will-never-be-in-my-life-again-but-she-will-always-be-his-mom/

Sunday, 18 April 2010

I Wonder

About three years ago I met the most amazing person on xanga. His xanga was Girls_Really_Suck. I met him through a friend, they were always talking about this amazing guy and well, I wanted to know him. I would read his xanga for awhile and I realized that he was this awesome guy. I left a comment, and the friendship started from there. He told me how he was battling cancer. And reading that broke my heart. I wanted to be there for him, I wanted him to know how much I cared. I fell for him, and him for me. I couldn't get over the fact that he had all these girls telling him how much they loved him, flirting with him constantly. I thought that if I was good enough he'd tell these girls to back off. He told me I was the one, I was the one he wanted to be with for the rest of his life. I laughed saying we haven't even met yet. He told me that my looks didn't matter, he loved my personality. I realized wow, a guy loves me for who I am. I thought it was going to be the best thing in the world. We ended up not dating because of my jealousy, but I just couldn't help but want him to say something to the other girls. I don't believe it was so much jealousy but wanting to Michael to tell people about me. We would stop talking over dumb stuff, but we knew we'd be friends for ever, maybe more in the future. He had everything going for him in this place in NJ he worked at. He said he was going to one day hopefully run the place. We would talk about everything, my family to his. I even talked to his mother. She called me Bambina, they were Italian. One day I realized wow, I have not heard from Micheal in like 3 months. I texted, I called, I e-mailed nothing. I than got a text back from a person with the number saying that this was his new phone number. I was crushed, so i e-mailed more, and more. Nothing back. This was about 7 months ago. I still haven't heard from him. I don't know where my Michael Campione is anymore. And his friend Sarah doesn't either. We text one another every so often seeing if we;ve heard from him. So far no. I don't think I'll ever hear from Michael again. I don't know what happened, where he is, or anything. All i know is I fell in love. We talked on the phone all of the time. And his friend Sarah, said she didn't know where exactly he lived, he always went to her. I guess I really need to get this out, so maybe I can move on. I have come to terms with I don't think I'll ever hear from him again. But, I keep e-mailing hoping that maybe he's been real busy. I am worried that maybe the cancer came back, and he is having trouble beating it. I think the worst, only because he always e-mailed me back. I miss Michael, I just hope one day I'll hear from him again. I wonder if you're okay, and you miss me as much as I miss you. Where ever you are, I hope you're okay.

Sunday, 08 November 2009

Why Can't You Love Me?

I am 19 years young. And I can honestly say my mother hates me. She the first time she left when I was in Elementary School. That was not the worst part, she took my brother and told me to go back to my dad. I was in Elementary School, and right then and their I knew you hated me. I tried to get you to like me but than you done it again. You left us when I was in Middle School. You told me my dad cheated on you, and when I was angry blaming him for you leaving us I called family on both side and they told me the kid of man my dad was. You actually made me hate him for a week, the guy that never walked out on me. How dare you do that to me I was a child, and you ruined my childhood for me. Than my grandpa died and some how you came BACK into our life and stupid me thought YESSS maybe she'll love me now. But no, all you did was cheat on my dad. But I guess the irony is you blamed him because you were doing it. You don't even understand how much you hurt my dad. He loved you unconditionally until you told me you cheated. Yes, I told him, and the truth hurts but he deserved so much better. Than my world came crashing down when Brad died but you did not even care. Than you left us my 9th grade year. You could not stand to live with us. Why was I not good enough to make things work. Why did you have to be the cheating whore that you are. But yet again you walking out was not the worst part. You than proceeded to marry the man you were cheating on my dad with. You did not even tell me that you got married. You both eloped as if you both were kids. You would of told me if you knew it was not wrong. Elda told me a month afterwards you were married, and I went home and locked myself into my room and cried. It hurt that you didn't tell me and you told Elda. She isn't even your daughter. When I tried to make thing work all the time you would always mess it up. You offered me all the jewlery my dad ever gave you, and I said yes, I would love them. Than you had to explain to me that you did not have them. I cried again because you gave all that stuff to your mom. Why would you even offer them to me? You never called me on christmas and only celebrated about 2 with me since you left. Where was my 18th birthday phone call or even my 19th. Do you know how it feels to have your best friends or boyfriend to ask did your mom call and you have to say no she didn't. Maybe I did change my number but Tia Vero has it and she could of called and told me. I had to move to a different state to get away from people judging me because of the way you were. Some boy was not allowed to date me because his dad knew who you were. I was 14 and had a boy break up with me because of you. Can you say heart break, and you weren't even their to support me. Even thow you hate me, my dad never walked out on me. He was there, he done my hair in elementary school. He took me to the doctors when I was sick. Because of you my dad is my hero and I thank you.

Wednesday, 08 July 2009

Missing Home

At times I hate this place.!? I have the choice where I can take the road that I already know. The road that I am safe with, and that I have come to love or the new and unknown. The life that everyone sees me doing. But is that what I really want? I have always known what I wanted. And for once I just have no idea. I am a very quiet and shy person. I am in a new place and I just can't seem to make myself social. I've been here for a year now and as much as I love this place I don't know if this is it. Back home I just knew I was meant to be there. I was not popular so I didn't have the million of friends. But I did have a group of friends that I hung out with all of the time. I feel a little lost with out them here with me. It's not like I can pick up the phone and call them because they really don't talk to me anymore. Great Huh!? The people that I thought were my true friends are gone all because I moved. I never thought that me moving was going to change the way we all connected. Maybe I am the one that changed. I know what exactly I had to do when I got here. I don't have mommy and daddy paying for my college, I am working in order to save up money so I can attend. When I moved, I gave up my free college. Who in the hell does that right?! Well apparently I do. Being in this new place is so difficult. I don't have those friends that I am able to go out with and talk to. I feel like I do not fit into the new world that I am in. The only thing people do is sex, drugs, drink, and get into trouble. I did not do that stuff back home, so why would I change myself for these people I don't know. Everyone already has their own clique, so I would be the new girl. I don't want to go to Sonic's and hang out so I can meet people. In this place there is nothing that I can do so that I can meet people. It's bowling, or hang out at Sonic's. Does that sound pleasant? To me it does not. At the moment I am working at the pool! And I guess you could say I am making friends. But, well, they are all 16 and up. and I am 19. And they talk about the same stuff, sex, and drinking. I am not into that kinda thing. Apparently they have invited me out, but i rejected. I don't remember that day. And if they did what the hell would I do? What they do isn't my scene. I could always go back home. That sounds crazy i know. But maybe I just am not going to make friends here, and I'll sit at home. Do you know how friggin boring that gets. After a year of doing it. I think I am going to go insane. Maybe I should go back home =[.

Wednesday, 27 May 2009

Dear Pillow, He Asked.

Dear Pillow,

It's me again. I got on a plane to go to Delaware on Saturday, May 9th. I was so excited to go home, to the place I've lived ALL of my life. Cory picked me up from the airport. It as awesome, and nice. On the 12th Cory took me to see a concert. Actually three bands played and my favorite played last. Three Doors Down was so awesome live. And during it Cory asked me to marry him. Honestly, I couldn't tell you what was playing at the moment because of the shock. I could not even give an answer. I wanted to say yes but a million reasons said to say no. After a long time of thinking i said no. I don't regret saying No because i know it's the right thing to say. But that's not the worst part. He took me back to the airport on Sunday May 24. I was absolutely fine until i walked through the security check. I started balling. No joke. I couldn't stop crying but i didn't want him to know so i stopped when he called. But as i was going to say goodbye on the phone because he was watching me they started so i hung up. I never knew a goodbye could be so hard. =[. And when he texted saying he was tired of saying goodbye he wanted the real thing, i cried harder. I as well want the real deal. But I'm afraid it cannot happen until that stupid car is LONGG gone. Or paid off. I can't deal with worrying about that stupid car. I could not live my life worrying about it either. As much as I love Cory because i know i love him. I hate that car. And i wont spend my money on that car because as much as he is paying for it he could have two cars for the price of one. Sadly i know in July if he comes he is going to ask me to marry him again. And as much as i want to say yes, i don;t know if i can quite yet. I act a lot more mature of my age than most people do. But is marriage for me? Not sure.

Love,
Uncertian Me.

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LovesNotPerfect

- Name: LovesNotPerfect
- Gender: Female
- Member Since: 3/31/2009

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About Me

I'm simple. I am easy going. I love to have fun. I stay in a lot more than I should. My family means the world to me. As well as my friends. A life with out my family and friends would not be worth living. I believe to be a really down to earth person. I don't dress up unless i have to. You can find me in jeans and a tee shirt. Of course it has to be cute. I am all about being myself. I don't plan on being anyone else. It is kinda out of style. I like who I am. As far as dating, I am not looking. =P! I love trying new things! Anything else? ask.